While watching just about every Spielberg movie, I’d heard of it before. His entire filmography is filled with classics, and then there’s Always. It isn’t memorably bad like 1941 or Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, and at the same time, it just isn’t good. This is in part due to how incredibly generic the entire movie is. It has a genuinely unique premise, but is executed in such a way that makes it incredibly bland. They could have gone deeper into the fire-fighting premise, but rather, they focus on some dumb romantic plot. Richard Dreyfuss’s character loves Holly Berry’s character, but then he dies… oh no! But it doesn’t matter in the end, because he can be a ghost and get some other guy to fall in love with “his girl” to carry on his legacy. It’s flipping dumb. Not to mention the fact that a lot of the acting is really bad, I can mostly attribute this to some of the awful dialogue. Once again, Spielberg tried forcing the comedy quite a bit. Not only did this break any potential chemistry between the characters, but it also made everything feel fake.

At two hours, it’s almost impressive that nothing happens. Sure, the main character dies, but that isn’t until thirty minutes into the film. I can’t even call what happened before that “exposition.” We learn little to nothing about any of the characters other than the fact that they are boring generic archetypes. I can also blame the long run time on the fact that every scene lasts way too long. Spielberg has never had an issue with this, but it is a clear issue in Always. For example, there’s a scene where Holly Berry’s character puts on a dress, and it’s played out like it’s a big deal. All of the boys want to dance with her, so they all have to wash their hands before they can touch her dress. This is an actual scene that happens in the movie, and it takes almost seven minutes. Even though Spielberg’s visual skills are impressive in the movie, it just doesn’t do anything quite as special as any of his other movies. But, one of the largest issues in the movie is its score. Not only was it not John Williams to score this, but there is no score at all. And in a movie that’s supposed to have those exciting action beats and romantic moments, it’s really surprising to hear nothing when an important event is happening.

Overall, it’s pretty clear that I didn’t like it. More than anything, it’s frustrating to see one of Spielberg’s ideas be executed in such a generic way. There was potential here, the premise was unique, some of the shots were interesting, but, sadly, any of that was overpowered by the incredibly generic dialogue, scene work, and even acting. Unless you’re also going through each Spielberg movie, I would definitely not recommend this one. 5.6/10

Of all his shorts, this one is easily my favorite from Anderson. Castello Cavalcanti has the awkward humor, meaningful moments, and the colorful shots we’ve all come to know. Jason Schwartzman’s character was written in such a way that allows him to be the fish out of water the story needs, but also has him adapt in a quick way that makes sense. The introduction of the character is easily the highlight, using juxtaposition between the scenery and dialogue to add a couple of laughs while also quickly introducing us to who this character is. This is also because of the over reaction to everything. Now, this is interesting, most of Wes Anderson is all very dry. However, strangely, this felt like Anderson dialogue through all of this. Personally, of all three shorts, this one could have most easily been turned into a full movie. The idea of ancestry is important, and it’s a kind of story unlike the ones Anderson has told before. Overall, this one is incredibly enjoyable. 8.3/10

Hotel Chevalier is a thirteen minute short that feels longer than that. Strangely, this isn’t the worst thing. It’s an incredibly basic premise of a Natalie Portman’s character reuniting with Jason Schwartzman’s. However, it tells everything in an incredibly linear sense. We see Jason Schwartzman go through the acts of brushing his teeth and staring in the mirror, ordering food and waiting, and more importantly, connecting. For a large chunk, there is no dialogue other than a french phone call at the beginning. While Anderson’s french influence has always been something clear, Hotel Chevalier truly embraces that side. So, although it’s slow, there are enough moments to make thirteen minutes be well spent. 7.8/10

Although this is the first in Wes Anderson’s long period film making, there are elements that scream Wes Anderson. Sure, the black and white coloring isn’t at all like what we have come to know from him, but, in the way the story plays and dialogue is delivered is what sets this apart from other shorts. It’s strange thinking of the big names attached to this small short. The Wilslon Brothers and Anderson himself got there start here, and while that does obviously result in the overall quality not being the best, it was still incredibly enjoyable. 6.7/10

Bill and Ted Face the Music was an interesting experience for me, as I realized it was the first I’ve seen that has come out in 2020. For this to happen this late is a strange feeling. And, although I wasn’t in a theater, a mindless and fun blockbuster like this is exactly what we need. As a fan of the original Bill and Ted movie, I was admittedly worried about this one. I thought the trailers looked extremely unfunny, and it did nothing for my interest. I was pleasantly surprised when I found that I actually enjoyed it a lot, and while it lacked a lot of substance, it offered enough fun callbacks and quirky characters to make it worth the watch. Overall, that’s most of what I can say. It’s extremely hard to dissect a movie like this. It’s entire point of existence is to be this stupid.

That being said, sometimes it was just a little too stupid. A lot of the jokes didn’t land for me because of the messy plot. In fact, the plot is just all over the place. I understood what was happening, but no scene lasted longer than a minute, which often made it difficult to follow things. One big example of the consequences of this is the treatment of Bill and Ted from the future. I thought the idea was fun, but I just couldn’t care about it at all because of how often those characters changed. Sadly, at times, this is the same with the normal timeline Bill and Ted themselves. Both actors gave fine performances, but I felt they never truly had the same connection the two did in the original. I felt that if this movie was made 20 years ago, it would have felt exactly the same. Because there is no evolution of these characters from when we last saw them. And I understand that they are caricatures in a sense, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t have depth. Part of my feeling for this might just be the writing of their sub-plot. Of all of the stories woven together here, this one had the most time spent on it, and I felt that wasn’t quite necessary. On the other side of things, there are Bill and Ted’s daughters, Billie and Thea. I honestly really liked the dynamic of these two characters, even though it was a carbon copy of the original Bill and Ted. But, both actresses gave some good performances and brought life to the roles. If the entire movie was about those two meeting the music icons, I think the movie could have been even better.

Overall, while I thought the movie was incredibly fun, it was just incredibly mediocre. It isn’t a movie that I’m going to remember all that much, but I would watch it again, just not all too soon. 6.8/10

What did I just watch? I’ve definetely watched some messed up Indie films in the midst of quarantine, but nothing… NOTHING, compares to this CGI horror fest with a budget of, let me check… Ok, 95 million USD. That’s a whole bunch of flipping money. Ok, where do I start? Well, why don’t I start with the plot. There isn’t one. If there is a plot, the plot is that they sing about how they want to go into a balloon so they can get reincarnated… I don’t know. Part of the problem with this is that we never get enough time with any of the characters, and those that we do have the personality trait of “magical” or “dancer” or even “doot.” This movie just doesn’t make sense, and it doesn’t help that the CGI made me want to bleach my eyes at the time. It seems like they couldn’t decide between showing everything or making the famous people look like Cats. Which, for this cast, there are no good performances at all. Between this and Artemis Fowl, poor Judy Dench clearly doesn’t care about which movies she’s going into at this point… Which, why should she? Still, it all seems bland and uninspired, even down to the music. Which is the only thing that matters in the movie! The only song that I had heard prior to watching this is somehow the least memorable, Memories. Honestly, I’m not quite sure why this movie exists. No, I take that back, I know exactly why this exists, and it disgusts me in so many god damn ways. 0.1/10, the only redeemable part is that it’s fun with friends.

P.S. don’t do the drinking game of taking a sip every time the word Jellicle comes up. I came closer to death than ever before within the first 10 minutes.

I think it’s no secret that quarantine has been really long. There is no better way to illustrate that fact better than the number of movies I have watched and reviewed this summer. Now, keep in mind, I haven’t reviewed every film I have watched this year, in fact, there are a lot I haven’t reviewed. But, looking at the films I have reviewed, there is roughly 10 days worth of solid movie watching in that alone. So, to commemorate those 10 days of my life spent on my couch in front of a computer screen, I figured I would rank every single movie I have reviewed as my 100th post. Now, keep in mind, this is just my personal opinion, and that opinion also shifts quite frequently. So, with that out of the way, here is every film I have reviewed during quarantine ranked from best to worst.

1. Jojo Rabbit
2. Inception
3. Grand Budapest Hotel
4. Brazil
5. The Disaster Artist
6. Arrival
7. Rushmore
8. Ladybird
9. Hunt for the Wilderpeople
10. Close Encounters of the Third Kind
11. Social Network
12. What We Do In the Shadows
13. Parasite
14. Oh, Hello!
15. Raiders of the Lost Ark
16. Garth Marenghi’s Dark Place
17. Death of Stalin
18. Boy
19. Slumdog Millionaire
20. Moonrise Kingdom
21. Joker
22. Jaws
23. The Dark Knight
24. Marriage Story
25. Moonlight
26. 1917
27. Interstellar
28. Lost in La Mancha
29. Monty Python and the Holy Grail
30. Fisher King
31. Pulp Fiction
32. Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World
33. Dunkirk
34. Monty Python’s The Life Brian
35. Deadpool
36. Last  Crusade
37. The Farewell
38. Empire of the Sun
39. Batman Begins
40. Little Women
41. Baby Driver
42. Monty Python’s Meaning of Life
43. Isle of Dogs
44. Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood
45. Blade Runner 2049
46. Raising Arizona
47. E.T.
48. Leave No Trace
49. The Irishman
50. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
51. The General
52. The Dark Knight Rises
53. Two Cars, One Night
54. The Color Purple
55. 12 Monkeys
56. Donnie Darko
57. Fantastic Mr. Fox
58. Dogma
59. Ford V Ferrari
60. Being John Malkovich
61. The Double
62. Tama Tu
63. Moon
64. Okja
65. Miller’s Crossing
66. Thor Ragnarok
67. Shaun of the Dead
68. Memento
69. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
70. Eagle Vs. Shark
71. Hot Fuzz
72. The Trotsky
73. The Man Who Killed Don Quixote
74. Blood Simple
75. The Prestige
76. What We Do in the Shadows Short
77. The Temple of Doom
78. Amazing Stories
79. Arab Samurai
80. The Adventures of Baron Munchausen
81. Sugarland Express
82. Time Bandits
83. Team Thor
84. Mallrats
85. Waiting for Guffman
86. The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus
87. The World’s End
88. Clerks
89. Rise of Skywalker
90. An Evening With Beverly Luff Linn
91. A Perfect Love
92. The Zero Theorem
93. Heinous Crime
94. The Englishman Who Went up a Hill But Came Down a Mountain
95. 1941
96. Slade in Full
97. Brother’s Grimm
98. One Dream Rush
99. Tideland
100. Cats

Garth Marenghi’s Dark Place is a strange one, and chances are, you haven’t heard of it. But, I can tell you to go watch it right now. The series is absurdly funny, and takes takes the idea of a parody to a new level. Rather than simply making fourth wall jokes, or taking itself too seriously as it goes over the top, it adds a new level of commentary within the world of the show. It sounds incredibly confusing written down, but it’s not. I have to hand it to the actors, because playing a character playing a character isn’t easy. And, largely, they all give great performances, but not in the classic way. The show makes a point of doing literally everything it could possibly do wrong in the short six episode series’s lifespan. Largely, it does this extremely well. But that isn’t to say it’s necessarily perfect. There are certain jokes that aren’t based on the over-seriousness of the world, causing the pacing and tone to take a quick U-Turn. Unlike other mistakes, this one was clearly unintentional.

While each episode often relies on the same type of humor to get a laugh, there are bits sprinkled within that humor that makes each episode worth it. A great example of this is a running gag that implies Dean Learner killed one of his co-stars, eventually building to an in memory video that ends with Dean Learner saying “If she was buried, it would probably be somewhere on the East-side, but nobody ever said she was buried.” This line shouldn’t work, but Richard Ayoade brings such a lifeless life to this character, that it made me bust a gut. The humor also relies on the audience’s knowledge of cheesy medical and horror shows from the 80s. If the audience doesn’t know, it’s fine, but there is another level to it from that knowledge. Because almost everything in the series feels that it could have actually been a show airing in the 80s. Down to the music, everything feels right. Though, as I mentioned earlier, there are some jokes that go just a little too far, breaking the comedic barrier. On a negative note, I should also mention not watching every episode in one sitting. While it’s still enjoyable, it’s much better to savor the genius work of Garth Marenghi in association with Dean Learner.

Overall, Garth Marenghi’s imperfections are it’s beauty, but when it does things that are genuinely good, it throws you off. It’s widely entertaining, and you should definitely watch it if you haven’t. 8.7/10

Miller’s Crossing is somewhat a merge between the gangster and noir genres. There is the quippy dialogue of a gangster film along with the darker undertones of a noir film. And while this largely works, the merging of genres makes it so some smaller issues are much more prominent. This is helped by a very interesting plot surrounding the idea of bodyguards, and what it means to trust someone. It also explores the idea of dealing with the consequences of murder. All of this made it odd that there was comedy sprinkled throughout. I did think the comedy was good, but it kind of ruined the pacing for me. It just wasn’t incorporated quite right. This is, on the other hand, backed up by a fairly decent cast. There were some moments that I felt were over the top, but largely, I liked it.

The film actually looks surprisingly good. All of the shots felt inspired, and while I remember a lot of the shots, I can’t say the same for the story. I remember thinking it was good, but it was also extremely bland. This was partially due to its major tonal imbalance. As I said, there are some lighter and darker moments throughout, I don’t feel that they are mushed together all that well. This seeps through into multiple other problems I had. For example, while I loved the aesthetic and look, I hated the costumes. Just about everyone was wearing the exact same costume the entire time. Obviously, this makes it hard to tell who’s who, this led me to thinking that the characters are two dimensional the entire story. It was kind of like a domino effect. It does seem like a small thing, but it genuinely bothered me.

To put it plainly, Miller’s Crossing is fairly generic in terms of story. But, the way it is structured and, more so, in the way it looks, definitely make it worth at least considering watching. 6.8/10

Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, or, as I will be calling thus forward, The Second to Last Crusade serves as a fitting end to one of the best trilogies of all time. While it doesn’t beat Raider’s, it’s a huge step up from the flop that was The Temple of Doom, and brings the life back into this franchise. Not only does it do this through it’s globetrotting adventure story line, brilliant shots, and callbacks, but also through making the pre-established characters deeper and more meaningful. So, while I had some massive problems with the script, there is enough here for the movie to be exactly what it needs to be. Interestingly, it does so in a way that pays homage to classic Western movies, which has been touched on lightly in previous instalments, but never to this extent. This was clearly Spielberg’s and Lucas’s way of saying goodbye to this franchise, for now.

As I had mentioned, there are elements of this instalment that are better than Raiders of the Lost Ark. For example, Spielberg’s shots feel a lot more inspired here. Don’t get me wrong, he’s always had an eye for the best possible shots. However, it seems that The Last Crusade had a certain element that was special to Spielberg. This is also evident in the story, elaborating on Indiana Jones’s history. Although I enjoyed this element, I will admit, some of the acting was pretty bad in the flashback. And, while not to the same extent, there was still some pretty bad acting throughout. Take, for example, Sean Connery. I didn’t feel that there was a lick of emotion from him. Part of that, of course, is the tension between Ford and Connery on set. I did enjoy the overall relationship between Indiana and his father nevertheless. As for Harrison Ford’s performance, I’ve come to a point where I realize that Harrison Ford doesn’t really act as much as he does put on an Indiana Jones costume and be Harrison Ford. One of the best lines is when Jones does a callback after asked if he can fly the plane, responded with “Fly, yes. Land, no.” Which brings me to another thing I loved about this one, all of the callbacks to previous movies, not even just in the Indiana Jones movies.

Overall, The Last Crusade was the perfect ending to this trilogy of movies. While there were some blatant acting and script problems, it was still enjoyable. 7.8/10